Dungeon Siege

In the spirit of prepping everyone for tonight's session, I'm going to write about Dungeon Siege the movie and game.

"Where's the packmule?" That's really the question you have to ask when watching In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Seige Tale. Sure, the movie starts off well enough, a few extra characters here and there to give some opportunities for exposition. Jason Statham is Farmer, which is okay considering your character is referred to as a farmer in game and it seems a little farfetched to have the audience select an avatar at the beginning of the movie.

Oh! What's that? Why, yes, I did hear right, that's old Norick, just like at the beginning of the game he's come to warn farmer of impending doom! And. . .he's played by Hellboy? Awesome! Wait a second. He's not dying. He's standing there. Talking about vegetables. Hmm, maybe he'll die later on.

Moving along, we meet Farmer's very hot farmwife. Nice. The movie continues onward with the kruggs attacking. Matthew Lillard delivers a stunning, Oscar-worthy performance as the village idiot. There are fantastic battles with ninjas, friendships are formed, betrayals abound, and best of all, there are long simmering stares.

It must be some time after the tree women make their second appearance (kiss already!) that you realize. . .wait. . .they've missed the best character in the game! How could they not include Pack Mule! How many times has that noble beast turned the tide of battle while fighting through endless hordes of krugg in game. His ability to carry all your loot and occasionally kick some small enemy to death is vital. VITAL! You can bet that Gimli and that girl with the funny nose aren't going to pack all your loot out of the enemy dungeon.

Then the credits roll. So sad.

Overall, I give the movie two stars out of five, because it got two things really, really right. First off, the scene with Farmer running over the top of the battle jumping from krugg head to krugg head was perfect. You can't ask for a more over the top scene. Secondly, the scene where Shaggy gets out of the Mystery Machine and starts firing arrows at Burt Reynolds is something everyone should see. Really, just a masterful sequence of events there. In summary, if you're a fan of the game and enjoy bad dialogue mixed with wooden acting, I highly recommend this movie.