Beard Activity

Tuesday Morning Overreactions

Last week I handed out my slightly past midseason grades and chose my two choices for MVP. This week with Thanksgiving beginning to bear down upon us I have decided that it's time to choose this season's biggest turkeys. And award them with the a Special Sideshow Turkey Leg Award. And winner's please keep acceptance speeches to a minimum. When you hear the orchestra it's time to leave. So on to the awards!

Our first Turkey Leg goes to the San Diego Chargers. Leading up to the NFL Draft in April they did just about everything possible to make incumbent QB Drew Brees feel unwelcome. They drafted a QB who flat out said he would not play for them. They then traded him for another QB who was involved in a horrible horrible contract negotiation with the Chargers. Drew Brees on the other hand has responded by making the chargers the second highest scoring team in the NFL, and has become the third rated QB in the NFL.

The original QB who was drafted is the recipient of our second Turkey Leg. The spoiled brat turkey leg goes to Eli Manning. Despite having never thrown a pass in the NFL, Eli showed the world that he is a spolied brat by telling the Chargers not to draft him because he wouldn't play for them. The Chargers will also receive an honorary Turkey Leg for caving in, and once again giving more power to the players.

Our next award is the Discipline is Good Turkey Leg. And this one will go to the New York Giants, who complained and whined all offseason about new Head Coach Tom Coughlin's offseason program. They complained it was too difficult and too hard. All this offseason did was turn a losing team last year into a team that started 5-1. However Coach Coughlin did go too far by fining his team, and telling them that 2 minutes early is too late to show up for a meeting. For this Coach Coughlin please accept your Don't Mess with Father Time Turkey Leg.

Well so far two teams have dominated the awards so lets spread it out some shall we. Our next award goes to the most schizophrenic team in the League. This is a team that started out 1-2, and then made the second greatest 4th quarter comeback against the Seahawks. 2 weeks later they then went out and got rolled by a then winless Miami Dolphins team, and the next week got killed by a team playing a WR at Cornerback. After a bye they then once again beat up on those Seahawks, just to get pounded last week by the Buffalo Bills. To Mike Martz, and the St. Louis Rams, you are the winner of I'm not a Turkey, I'm a Chicken, Turkey Leg.

Now those Seahawks are the winner of our next award. They were a favorite of many bobbleheads during the offseason to represent the NFC in the Roman Numeral Fest. And they started out well going 3-0, before losing their next 3. If not for a last minute INT versus the Dolphins they would be 5-5, as it is they are still dissapointing. So here is the You Coulda Been a Contender Turkey Leg.

Now our next award has many Candidates. There's Ray Lewis for calling T.O. a coward for mocking his dance after scoring a TD. There's Gerard Warren for saying they were going to take out Ben Roethlisberger. Terrell Owens for bringing up Ray Lewis' past in a press conference, or for saying the big controversy two weeks ago was all about him. And our final nominee is Chad Johnson for sending Pepto Bismol to an opponents DB's and then responding by only catching one ball. And the winner of the Just Shut Up and Go Away Turkey Leg is........ Terrell Owens. Due to the nature of the award, and the fact that we just want him to go away, Terrell will not be allowed an acceptance speech.

The We Fans Really Don't Want Cross Promotion Turkey Leg goes to the ABC Network, and their stupid “Desperate Housewives” promo to open MNF two weeks ago. The one that had a naked Nicolette Sheridan jumping into T.O.'s arms (the one which T.O. says was only a controversy because he was involved.) ABC received many phone calls and started a week long controversy over what is appropriate. Many people were offended. Tony Dungy went so far as to call it racial (Which receives the Make it Bigger than it Is Turkey Leg), forcing ABC to offer an apology. Personally I wasn't offended, I was just sick and tired of being inundated with cross promotions for stuff I don't care about. When will the networks learn I watch football for football.

The Overreacting Bobblehead Turkey Leg goes to all the so-called experts, and analysts who are calling for Joe Gibbs head, or saying that the game has passed him by after only 10 games. Granted even I thought the skins would be a lot higher but it really does take time to fix something that's broke. Let's give him at least two years.

The Well Hockey Is Gone, Got to Find it Somewhere Turkey Leg goes to Joey Porter of the Pittsburgh Steelers, and William Green of the Cleveland Browns for their pre-game fight two weeks ago. Apparently Joey Porter (winner of the Roberto Alomar Turkey Leg) spit on William Green, which prompted a brawl between the two players. Both players were ejected from the game before it began. Guys, what good can you do your team from the locker roon.

Well we are almost done now. Just two awards left. Our next award is a tightly fought competition. Though these two teams will play later this year, right now it's purely speculative. On one side is the Miami Dolphins. Who are putting too much blame on Ricky Williams' absence for their poor performance. Even though Williams being gone does hurt, there is a lot more reasons why this teams is doing horrible. On the other side is the San Francisco 49ers. A team that starts games strong but always seems to get beat badly in the end. A team that is paying for it's championship years by suffering now due to dead money. The winner of the Now on the Clock Turkey Leg is.... the San Francisco 49ers. This was clinched only this past week when S.F. lost 35-3 to the Buccaneers and the Dolphins barely hung on to lose against Seattle.

And our Final award is the Whole Turkey. This goes to the biggest turkey in all of the NFL. There is no doubt about who the winner is. It's Ricky Williams. The same guy who walked out on his team just days before training camp because he lost his desire to play. However when he found out that he now owed the Dolphins 8.6 million he suddenly found his desire. So Ricky Williams is the winner of the Whole Turkey Award, and no Ricky you can't smoke it.

Sideshow's Top 14

Rank (LW)



Last Week's Results


1 (1)



Won 19-14 vs. Cin

Secret isn't Big Ben, it's the running game that makes it so Big Ben doesn't have to win the game.

2 (2)

New England


Won 27-19 vs. N.E.

Everyone hoping those injuries in N.E. would stop them, better get more voodoo dolls because it hasn't worked yet.

3 (3)



Won 41-10 vs. Chi

Manning scores another 4 TD's against a Chicago Defense that was supposed to give him problems.

4 (4)



Won 28-6 vs. Was

McNabb and Philly are back on a roll, which isn't good for rest of NFC.

5 (5)

San Diego


Won 23-17 vs. Oak

Next week is game 2 of a 3 game divisional stretch. Not to mention they could guarantee a non losing season with a win.

6 (6)



Won 14-10 vs. Giants

Michael Vick Ran for 104 yards, or 11 less than he threw for.

7 (8)



Won 34-13 vs. N.O.

Mike Shanahan attempts to extend his domination of Al Davis next week.

8 (9)



Won 30-10 vs. Dal

Kyle Boller steps up big when Jamal Lewis went down.

9 (10)

Green Bay


Won 16-13 vs. Hou

All these comebacks remind us of the Mid 90's Brett Favre.

10 (7)



Lost 18-15 vs. Ten

Jags hope Byron comes back soon or season could slip away in very difficult AFC.

11 (11)



Won 22-19 vs. Det

Minnesota stops slide. They hope it's for good.

12 (12)

N.Y. Jets


Won 10-7 vs. Cle

Much like last year this team is completely different without Pennington.

13 (NR)



Won 24-17 vs. Mia

This is a very unconfident team. They have no swagger.

14 (14)

St. Louis


Lost 37-17 vs. Buf

A team that can be a lot better than it plays, but that defense is horrible.

The Cellar Watch

Rank (LW)



Last Week's Results


30 (NR)



Lost 23-17 vs. S.D.

This team is bad, and only figures to get worse. They usually are owned by Shanahan.

31 (31)



Lost 24-17 vs. Sea

AJ Feely was feeling a lot of pain, but gutted through and almost led the fish to a win.

32 (32)

San Francisco


Lost 35-3 vs. T.B.

Matchup next week vs. Miami in the Toilet Bowl. Loser might just secure #1 overall draft picks.