Beard Activity
There's been so much happening in my life lately, it's been difficult to think of something coherent to write about. However, this week has felt quite a bit different. I've actually had a number of ideas, but I'm going with the worst one first. The theory is that if I can make the idea that is least appealing work, I should be able to get something better out of the others. You now have my permission to look forward to more adventures from Glim and Llan (they've been very busy), thoughts on redemption, and possibly some comments on sports happenings. I don't want to promise too much on sports, because Sideshow has been doing a bang up job keeping things moving in that department. However, there have been some remarkable happenings in the NBA that deserve some attention. On to. . .


I don't know how many people saw the Ben Stiller love-me-I'm-funny-athon called Dodgeball, but I find it difficult to recommend. While some of the humor is inspired, most of it is just not worth your time. Don't get me wrong, I thought I'd split a gut a time or two, but when all was said and done, I felt like my intelligence was under suspicion of going AWOL. The bright side is that the best parts of the movie involved that most beloved of elementary school humiliation rituals from which the film derives its title.

The movie kind of paints a nostalgic view of the. . .sport. After leaving the theater, I really wanted to try my luck at the game for old times' sake. My memories of elementary school dodgeball are very vague. I remember plenty of bad things happening to me at the time, so I'm sure I haven't blocked them out. Because of that, I have to assume that due to my small size, I spent a lot of time dodging while wishing I could throw harder. I recently had a chance to engage in a round of high velocity rubber mayhem and discovered that things really haven't changed much.

Actually, that's not true. Instead of brushing off the injuries incurred, I woke up this morning with a very stiff knee and a sore elbow. Other than that, things did seem very much like the movie portrayed them. The strong and fast quickly conquered those with less desirable genes. I may not be as small as I once was, but my ability to duck has diminished very little, if at all. I found myself ranked somewhere in the middle of my team, so, thankfully, I received no rubber facials; no, that was reserved for the slow and weak. Unhappily, I don't believe that young Matt will be too eager to join us in reveling over the slower and weaker members of our group, mostly because he found himself in that unfortunate category.

Sadly, the fun of playing dodgeball diminished with Matt's injury. As a child I could never throw the ball hard enough to harm anyone. As an adult, I can barely aim the silly thing with any kind of accuracy. Matt was on my team, so responsibility for the big red mark on his face lies with someone else (who was very embarrassed), but I felt bad all the same. Dodgeball, it would seem, is better left to those who fondly recall the days of swirlies and broken glasses lying on the gymnasium floor. Ben Stiller's artificial nostalgia can go find a pizza.